I recently got a new roommate.
He is a He. And living with him is so many things.
It’s eating breakfast together. It’s sharing a bathroom.
It’s all the in-betweens. Getting ready for work and doing the dishes. Morning breath and bed head.
It’s vulnerability. Realizing that you, the girl who used to passionately kiss him goodnight at the doorstep are now drooling on his pillow. It’s accepting that he loves you in spite of this.
It’s constant surprises. Like him organizing your nail polishes using the spice rack you got as a wedding gift or serenading you at night with some jazzy chords on your keyboard.
It’s realizing that becoming a wife does not make you your mother. It’s making her “Fluffiest Pancakes in the World” and having them come out flat. It’s having to Google “how to boil an egg” and frosting Valentine’s cupcakes that look like a 5-year-old made them.
It’s realizing you are not your mother, and that he doesn’t need you to be.
It’s realizing that becoming a wife also does not make you his mother, not even when you really wish he’d eat more vegetables.
It’s his intentionally cheesy romantic gestures, like asking you to check if the printer is working, and you walking over to find a newly-printed piece of paper that says, “you look so beautiful tonight.”
It’s him wearing glasses while working at his computer and no one ever being more handsome.
It’s having a serious argument because he ate a bite of your cookie and you wanted the whole thing. It’s realizing that yes, you will argue. It’s breaking down because you didn’t want to be a couple that argued, and you love him and why are you arguing??
It’s realizing that you barely knew him when you married him, and that you like him so much more now.
It’s him becoming your family. It’s him becoming home.
It’s less butterflies, more feeling like you just drank a mug of hot chocolate—a warm comfort that spreads outward from somewhere deep inside you.
It’s safety. It’s a closer relationship than anything you’ve ever known, because you have given your lives to each other.
It’s realizing that you have given your lives to each other, when you’re used to your life being your own.
It’s so wonderful. It’s so complicated. It’s marriage.